
Cinnamon's Tale
*This story was translated from the Smith family’s donkey after being rescued out nearly 1 thousand miles from land in the Pacific Ocean. All details are subject to opinion and the names may have been changed for privacy.
Cinnamon never liked living out on the family yacht. He knew that donkeys were born to graze in pastures and enjoy a free and mobile life on land. His only exercise was a 50 foot loop on the outside edge, but he rarely used it due to his fright of drowning and anchovies, the latter probably stemming from a bad slice of pizza. Why his owners had decided to bring him aboard for their trip around the world still perplexes him today.
It was an afternoon in a distant part the Pacific that would change his insufferable life forever. The ships satellite internet went out due to strong wind and stormy clouds, ruining the season finale of LOST and making it impossible to describe the upcoming weather other than calling it a “brewing shit storm”. This was naturally said by the father because of the unreasonably rare steak his wife had cooked for dinner earlier, but was mainly said because it was an accurate description of the oncoming cloud color.
As the storm progressed they realized they were in very grave danger. They tethered Cinnamon outside on the deck, in the rain, and the thunder, and without even a tarp or something to cover him, and then took cover themselves in their snug cabin. The small squall quickly progressed into an insane hurricane swirling the sea most horrifically. At that moment the hero of our story decided to take charge of his own destiny. Gnawing roughly on the rope detaining him, he broke free promptly and started banging on the door with his hoof. He found no answer. He nayed loudly and kicked harder, but still to no avail.
Just then out of the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of the life boat secured to the port side of their now disastrously beaten vessel. He hopped in and started doing what he knew best, gnawing. Before he knew it all four cords had been cut and he plopped into the water. And, like any good suspense movie, once he had gotten safely away, the yacht was then suddenly hit by massive surf severing it in a Titanic-like fashion. The family broke free from the hull and scrambled to find their last hope, the safety boat, gone.
With an indescribable gasp of both despair and utter shock they saw cinnamon leisurely riding over the waves away from them. They were speechless and mortified of their impending doom. The mother then, with an almost unforgivable choice of words, screamed, “WHAT AN ASS!”
Epilogue
The picture provided was taken after more than 3 days out in the world’s largest body of water. Luckily to an adventurous tasting of squid, unusual for Cinnamon due to his picky eating habits, he decided he had put off seafood too hastily and was found fed and satisfied. His mental state was found to be good as well, though oddly with a both sarcastic and human demeanor.
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